Lately, I’ve been interested in what drives how we as people interact with and perceive each other. The cognitive dissonance of perception versus reality is something that has struck me many times, and I wanted to learn how I could potentially leverage that in everyday life. So, I decided to read You Can Negotiate Anything by Herb Cohen.
The book notes that “if life is a game, then negotiation is a way of life.” Namely, approaching any situation as if it were a negotiation can net you a more positive outcome than if you take the situation as fixed when it is presented to you. Cohen observes that the balance of a negotiation is affected by three crucial variables: power, time, and information.
Of these, power is the one he expands upon the most. The interesting thing is that power isn’t necessarily determined by formal authority or stature. Rather, the introduction of the book boldly makes the startling claim: “Power is based on perception. If you think you’ve got it, then you’ve got it. If you think you don’t have it, even if you have it, you don’t have it.” Furthermore, power can be harnessed from many sources, such as legitimacy, identification, and persistence.
Time is also of high importance in that the party who accedes least to time pressure is more likely to come out on top of a negotiation. A tangible takeaway is this: “do not reveal your real deadline to the other side.” Deadlines are usually themselves the result of a negotiation; therefore, they are negotiable.
Information can give you a true understanding both of the negotiation as a high-level situation as well as your position in it. The book mentions some tactics about receiving more information through behavior and in particular focuses on obtaining information through verbal and nonverbal cues, something many popular psychology books of late have focused on.
Finally, the book moves into two styles of negotiating and how you can leverage one over the other. This is also the section the book obviously dates itself: written in 1980, you can begin to see some Cold-War/anti-Soviet sentiment along with references to tools that are no longer used. The first style laid out in detail is the “Soviet” or win-at-all-costs style, which implies a win-lose mentality in the negotiation. This is characterized by extreme demands, few and stingy concessions, and adversarial emotional tactics. Instead, Cohen opts for the win-win style of negotiating, where both sides come to a cooperative agreement that benefits them both over the status quo. The last section of the book deals with specific tactics such as telephone negotiations, escalation, and personalization.
Overall, I found this book to be quite helpful in laying out different perspectives on negotiation and interpersonal communication even if the particular tactics employed felt dated at times. However, the book projects a positive, empowering message that is aptly summarized by a quote on the very last page:
You have a role to play in this world–a reason for being here. But it is up to you to find your part and direct your future. You alone determine your destiny through your own efforts. Accept this responsibility–not just for yourself, but for us all.