Skip to the Recommendation section for a summary of my thoughts and tips on how to use this book in your own life.
Reflections
I have tried and failed many times over the last five years to establish a habit of regular meditation. However, since late April 2020, I have finally taken to meditating daily. Thus, I wanted to re-read this book to compare the explanation and recommendations to my personal experience so that I can strengthen my practice moving forward. Notably, I vividly remember the first time I read this book a couple of years ago. A paragraph within the first few pages spoke so starkly to my condition at the time:
There you are, and you suddenly realize that you are spending your whole life just barely getting by. You keep up a good front. You manage to make ends meet somehow and look okay from the outside. But those periods of desperation, those times when you feel everything caving in on you—you keep those to yourself. You are a mess, and you know it. But you hide it beautifully.
I was struck by how accurately this described my perception of self, and particularly in times of trouble and self-doubt, I find it to be a penetrating revelation of my state of mind. Like any self-help book, the recommendations and thoughts that follow are ever so slightly self-elevating and have a whiff of overpromise. However, I remain more optimistic about the recommendations in this book because they ultimately require affirmation from personal experience. As the last sentence of the opening chapter says: “See for yourself.”
Though the book’s title contains “mindfulness”, its first half provides a how-to guide on vipassana meditation, which comes from the Theravada school of Buddhism. It covers the now-familiar principles of focusing on the breath, noticing when the mind wanders away and gets distracted, and gently returning to that focus on the breath. It covers tactics to maintain focus like counting the breaths as well as an analysis of various distractions and tools for countering them. Next, it introduces the concept of mindfulness (sati in Pali), details how meditation is a tool to cultivate mindfulness, and contrasts mindfulness to the similar but separate notion of concentration. Finally, it gives an overview of how we can translate mindfulness in meditation into everyday life by being aware of all external and internal processes around us as we proceed through our day. An afterword covers loving friendliness, which is a tool and exercise in disseminating kindness to all, even those that wish us ill, and an appendix details the cultural and religious origin of vipassana meditation.
I’ve been following guided meditations, so after the first introductory chapter, I found the next eight chapters to be a review of what I’ve learned and a check against what I’ve experienced. In particular, chapters 5-9 are handled for you by using guided meditation frameworks. However, chapters 10-14 were relevant to me as a beginning meditator and discuss things I struggle with on a routine basis during and outside of meditation. For example, I sit on a chair with my feet and heels touching on the ground, so the force of the contact builds to discomfort or pain after 10-15 minutes. On some days when I slept little or poorly, I will nod off a bit and catch my head falling forward. And nearly every day, I have an itch somewhere, I sneeze, or my nose otherwise runs, requiring me to pull a tissue that I knowingly set next to me during this practice in anticipation of this problem. The book’s solution to all of these problems is the same: apply mindfulness and observe that you are experiencing these feelings and emotions, acknowledging but not giving into them, and gently bring the attention back to the breath. I’ve found that a useful tactic for doing this is picturing the distraction in my mind and then swiping it away to a blank white background, which represents a clear mind to me. More specifically, the book doesn’t view a distraction as a “bad thing” indicative of our mind’s inability to focus, but rather an integral part of the process that creates an opportunity to observe and then let go. Two particular tactics that stood out to me were “time gauging”, where we evaluate the intensity and length of the distraction before choosing to let go, and “recalling your purpose”, where we note that although we have veered on an errant thought, we are meant to sit down and focus on a single object (in most cases, the breath).
The book touches on a metaphysical point: how we conceptualize distractions and attach them to our ego (e.g., “I heard the dishwasher over there”). This leads to us building up mental pictures when we get distracted. Conterintuitively, a component of applying mindfulness is detaching ourselves from these two facets that are so natural. By removing ego, we distance the thought and make it less personal to us (e.g., “the dishwasher made a sound”). Then by removing the verbal conceptualization, we can experience the distraction more as a passing sensation (e.g., a sound ringing out and then fading away). In my own experience, this process of detachment has helped remove a burden of carrying and processing emotions and reactions to external stimuli and allowed me to view them as they are: external, indifferent to me. It also helps me maintain a more neutral and open emotional state as opposed to being primed to act in particular ways.
The last argument in the book that I keep coming back to is the difference between mindfulness and concentration. Thus far, I have mentioned the word “focus” quite a few times, and I restarted a meditation practice primarily to improve my ability to focus. However, the book makes a reasonable argument that developing concentration alone is not sufficient to produce a truly aware mind. This is because concentration can be viewed as a sharp tool like a knife or a laser that can be aimed arbitrarily at any topic. Concentration alone will drown out all other thoughts, which can allow for true focus but does not allow for the full exploration of a thought and its interaction with other ideas. Instead, the book views concentration as a component of mindfulness: we aim our attention on an object or topic with the flexibility to be aware of and move toward other thoughts with the intention of coming back always. This has helped me view focus as part of a broader picture where it is not the sole goal: I no longer shame myself when I get distracted, but I accept that it is part of the process. I note the distraction: what it was, why it happened, and for how long, before coming back to my area of concentration. This allows me to build a kinder relationship with myself and my mind while sharpening the tool for focusing.
A quick note: you might often see the word “practice” associated with acts in the wellness industry like meditation and yoga. As an outsider, I used to find this usage of the word ostentatious, combining an ever-growing cultural appropriation of Eastern culture with a healthy dose of fake modesty. However, after spending some time in a secular adaption of this world, I find the word “practice” to be quite apt: it is a process wherein we train our mind as well as our relationship to it. We will slip up and falter when we get distracted, but the process of bringing our attention back to the point of concentration is the crux of the exercise. Thus, we are practicing every time we fail.
Recommendation
Overall, I strongly recommend this book for anyone who wants to begin a meditation practice as it provides an excellent motivation for meditation and addresses common concerns, particularly in how to deal with problems and distractions. However, I think a total beginner should not read this book cover-to-cover. Instead, I would first read only chapters 1-4 to understand what you are getting into. Then, find a guided meditation framework that allows for an easy start and practice in those sessions using the background you’ve obtained and the instructions you are given during the practice. After you’ve spent some time wrestling with the emergent chaos of your own mind, come back to the book and read chapters 10-14. Apply those lessons to your practice as you continue. If you feel particularly motivated, you can read the end of the book, which gives a high-level picture of how meditation integrates into your life outside of your dedicated sessions.
If you found this useful, read the book, or started a meditation practice, reach out to me! I’d love to know more about your experience.
An afterword on guided meditations: I use Headspace, but I have no particular attachment to it; it just happened to be the platform I chose. Calm and Waking Up are other great platforms that my friends use and enjoy. If you’d like to try out Headspace, the first ten sessions are free to all. You can also use my buddy link to get 14 days of their premium tier for free.